Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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