shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
