i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
