my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
