Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize