i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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