Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
