Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
