Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
