it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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