my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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