i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
only if we run a train.
done.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
