Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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