I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
