So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
what day is it and did you see me today?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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