I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
