i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
