I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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