Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
