We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
