he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
