Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
