you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
