Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
