oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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