My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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