yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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