After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
