i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize