Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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