I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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