she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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