I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
