So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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