ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
