his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
