Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There's always time for handjobs
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
