Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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