i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
