i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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