Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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