Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
