I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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