thus making me awesome and them whores
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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