He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
