I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
