He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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