i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Two words: blizzard sex
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
