dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
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There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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