I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
