the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
