false alarm. still invincible.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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