Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
