i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
smell my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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