There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize