I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
