your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
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