I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
