wrigley field is MILF paradise
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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