Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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