I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
