Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
