It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
