I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
