you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
