I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
