I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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