I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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