just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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