butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bring me that man meat
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