i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
