Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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