Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize