the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
