You just made me feel so damn special
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
