And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
