Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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