I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
