Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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