No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
